It’s almost impossible to blog and eat a taco at the same time…… “almost”. lol. I pretty much spent this entire day catching up on emails. Did I catch up? Absolutely NOT. LOL. No, no. Not quite. But I did knock out a GOOD portion of what’s in my inbox. The challenge here is that, as I respond, I get responses to my responses. So tomorrow i’m going to have a full workload lol. I need a system. Kevin reminds me that there will come a point that I simply can’t respond to every email on my own. I understand that. But i’m going to try!! LOL!. I’ll get more into that and my thoughts on when people get “known” another time. I want to talk about something else……
So, many of the emails I get all point back to the same general concerns and fears. One of the common themes is the fear of what others might think. I can understand that, to a degree. For instance, I was worried my husband might look at me different if he knew I needed all of my teeth pulled. I thought he would see me as being too far gone to deal with….. like he would want a fresh start with someone new. But I also knew that that was MY fear. That was NOT how he really felt. I understand that most of what we fear about others usually points back to how we actually feel about ourselves. *I* felt he would be better off with someone new, someone without so much baggage. I created that in my head and I knew it.
That was the extent of f***’s I gave about what others might think. I’m just keeping it 100% real here. Like, i’d tell you lol. I’m honest, i’d tell you if I worried that people may think i’m weird or look down on me. I straight up did NOT care lol. I don’t “naturally” not care…. I mean, it doesn’t come natural to not care what people think. It’s pushed on us from very early on to REALLY care what people think. “What are you, a girl or something? If you play with barbies, people are going to think you’re a girl.”…… Stuff like that. If you do this, people are going to think that. You can’t just live. You can’t just live and be you and do what you do. But I rationalize everything. It’s funny, we were laughing about Vayda earlier because she is the EXACT same way. You can’t just tell her something is so and expect her to go for it. She had rubber bands around her hand and Shannon told her to take them off or her hand would fall off. Her response? “Show me pictures”. Pics or it didn’t happen, straight up cuzzo! LOL. I was like that as a kid. I know it annoyed some of my teachers. I never fell for stuff lol. I wanted to KNOW. So in my 20′s I REALLY began to rationalize the whole “caring what people think” thing. I think it is healthy, to a degree. You can’t totally disregard people, that’s just obnoxious. But I don’t really fret about people lol. Of course it came into my mind, “What are people going to think?”….. but I KNEW that the people who genuinely loved me and cared about my wellbeing would just be happy I didn’t have to suffer anymore. They would be happy that I could finally move on with life. Anyone else? Well, if they looked at me like, “Omg, you lost ALL of your teeth at age 26?????? Ewwwww! Weirdo!”….. my reaction to that would be #1 who the eff are you talking to like that (because I tend to get a little rowdy when someone blatantly disrespects me in a malicious manner) and #2 YOU are CLEARLY the weirdo for letting my oral health affect your life somehow. #rollupthewindowslockthedoorsdontlookdontlookdontlook. Yeah. That is WEIRD. Even weirder if you go around talking about it to people. Like, it just looks nutty to me. So no one could have me faded about my set-up lol. Yeah, it was a little unnerving thinking of how things could go terribly wrong on YouTube. I mean, the potential still exists that I could go viral and end up on Good Morning America with tears streaming down my face because the girl in the drive-thru wanted to take a selfie with the YouTube Denture Girl….. and i’m not talking about being inspired by me, either lol. I mean, it crosses my mind….. oops, new paragraph……
The thing is, I feel like helping others is more important because i’ve been there. That pain is REAL. It chills you to the BONE. I mean it really hits you and can destroy you. I can EASILY see how one would contemplate suicide over it. If I know I can help, and I know I can, I feel like it would be sort of evil of me not to. I feel like I would somehow be responsible for lives being ruined….. JUST BECAUSE I know what it means to need someone. I know what it means to have that shoulder to cry on….. that person to relate to when it feels like the world doesn’t understand. So I really feel like this is my duty. I feel like I am now responsible. I am accountable. I can’t turn my back now even if I wanted to.
So how am I able to NOT care if people laugh at me? It’s CONFIDENCE. I have confidence. Why do people think i’m pretty? Because I genuinely don’t care if they don’t think i’m pretty. That is what confidence is. Confidence is being cool with you, flaws and all. It’s not giving people control over how you feel about yourself. You are in control of how you feel about yourself. No one can “make you feel ugly”. That all comes from within and I know it probably sounds totally cliche and many people won’t understand that basic statement….. but YOU control your emotions. YOU control your thoughts about yourself. We tend to go through life blaming others as to why we feel bad about ourselves. If you didn’t care what they thought in the first place, you wouldn’t be in this situation. You cannot buy confidence. If you think you will become confident by getting a new haircut or a cute shirt, you’re chasing a fleeting DREAM. As soon as the hairstyle gets dated, as soon as the shirt doesn’t fit, it’s back to the drawing board. So you live in this perpetual state of trying to grasp and maintain confidence. That is because you are chasing it OUTSIDE of yourself. It DOES NOT EXIST OUT THERE. You may get an ego boost here and there. Your self-image may temporarily improve….. but you’re not going to find confidence unless you find it within yourself. That’s real talk right there.
I am probably running the risk of sounding arrogant here but I promise it is not my intentions. I get a lot of messages from females who want exactly what I have. They tell me how pretty I am and that they want a picture of my smile so they can have one JUST LIKE MINE. There’s more to it than that but we’ll stick to the smile thing for now. The thing is, for one, obviously no one is going to look just right with my smile because this is my smile. Yes, you can use it for a basic example, like if you want my tooth color or shape or whatever. But if you want a replica of my smile, it’s probably not going to work. Yes, my dentist has told me that people have asked for the “Kristi” smile lol. But the thing about my smile is that, *I* make the smile. And YOU can make your smile. You can make your smile look like a billion dollars if you are confident in it. If you are genuine when you smile, it’s attractive. Bottom line. A genuine smile looks good. Crooked teeth. Fake teeth. Expensive teeth. Doesn’t matter. If you MEAN it, it probably looks great. My best friend has crooked teeth that she HATES but I have ALWAYS loved her smile because it is sincere. When she laughs, she means it and it looks great. She thinks i’m crazy but I think it’s a gorgeous smile, honestly. Even my little sister. She got braces and if that’s what makes her feel good, have at it, but I loved her smile before, too.
I really, really, REALLY don’t think i’m that pretty. I am not fishing for compliments. I know how it is when a pretty girl posts an amazing picture of herself and captions it, “Ugh, i’m like sooooo ugly” or something to that effect lol. That’s not what i’m doing here. No, I don’t think I look like the elephant man or anything. I mean, I think i’m decent, cute at times, even….. but nowhere in the league of “She’s smokin’ hott” lol. Not quite lol. And so sometimes it truly baffles me why people say stuff like that about me. Like it for REAL makes me wonder, what am I missing here? The super pretty girls have great skin, pretty hair, I mean, I could go on lol. So I think the reason people perceive me as attractive the way they do must be in the way I carry myself. If must be my confidence that people catch onto. Because I feel the same way about people. Like, i’ll see a guy or even a girl (#nohomo) and be like “what is it about them??”…. I mean they look decent and all but that’s not it, it’s something else. People are just DRAWN to people with confidence. That’s just the way it is. They are noticed quicker. They stand out. They make people feel sort of good when they’re around.
In a totally UN-cultish/new-age-ish way, I think one’s energy has a lot to do with it. Energy/vibe/whatever you want to call it. You just sense it in people…… at least I do. Maybe it’s because i’ve always felt like I was on the outside looking in, but i’d observe people and over the years have gained a pretty accurate understanding of people. Not like i’ve got people all figured out or anything but I just get vibes from people. Maybe i’m used to the subtle change in tones or the quick redirection of the eyes, all of the body language cues, just all of that…… and so I get these vibes and can tell sort of what they are about. Like, I can sense when someone is really in pain or when someone just needs a few words of encouragement or whatever. I guess the words commonly used for this are “empaths” or the “highly sensitive person”. Call it what you want lol it is what it is. All of us have this but I think people mostly ignore it or just aren’t used to trusting their instinct….. or maybe they just don’t pay enough attention. But when it comes to someone who is happy with themselves, it just attracts people to you like a magnet. People far and wide want a dose of whatever it is you have. They want in on it. These are the teachers, the leaders, the people who make a difference in the world. Of course it can be used for good or for bad. I am sure Hitler was a very confident dude, that’s how he was able to gain the support and loyalty that he had. Because most people go through life doubting themselves. They worry that they don’t quite measure up. So when someone comes along that is sure of themselves, it comes off as a sort of “power” or “authority” and people want it. They just want to be near it and make use of it and most of them can’t even really understand why.
Sure, magazines and Hollywood in general will lead you to believe there is some sort of standard for pretty or handsome. Best case in point is that back in the 70′s, dudes were rocking the grizzly beards. I always looked at it like ooommmmgggg whyyyyyy???? But that was the thing back then, that was just what you did. But in my generation, that was like, “Dude, you look like a caveman, go shave”. So if you saw a man with a full on beard walking around in 1996, you’d probably be like #notwhatsup. But here we are and the beard has returned and it turns out it actually IS hott. This constant change in the fashion industry leaves for some pretty unstable terms of who looks good and who doesn’t. I mean, you never know if you’re going to be “in” or not lol. This is why you can’t really rely on other people to give you “confidence”. It would always change. It’d always be uncertain. Sure they can try to dictate what the latest trend is but that has nothing to do with how you feel about yourself. I genuinely feel bad for the women who feel like they HAVE to be up in the salon all the time in order to feel good about themselves. If you do it because you love it, great! If I had the money for it, i’d like to actually pay someone else to keep up with my hair and nails and what not….. but to the people that RELY on it to make them feel good…. what happens when it’s gone? Are you ugly now? Can you not enjoy life now? So you should never seek confidence from external things. You should be confident in ALL situations. Sure, some things make you uneasy and uncertain but your overall happiness with yourself is on point. Doesn’t mean you are perfect and it doesn’t mean you accept your own shortcomings, you should always strive to improve….. but you don’t stress about who you are.
If you are stressing about who you are, you need to be fixed from the inside. That is priority #1.
If your “friends” would think less of you because you have to get dentures, what kind of friends are they? They should be worried about what YOU think of THEM for even thinking that way! If your spouse would jump ship because you have to get dentures, good Lord, what would they do if you faced a REAL problem???? Because dentures are NOT the end of the world. Really. Many women tell me, “I have a lot of judgmental people in my family”….. I get it, but why let THEIR PERSONAL PROBLEM become your problem? That’s THEIR character flaw, not yours. If they would judge their own blood for something beyond their control, what sort of family are they? If your co-workers are judgmental, what does that have to do with you getting your paycheck? I mean, life would be MISERABLE if we constantly tried to please others. If we constantly tried to influence the opinions of others in our favor, we’d basically be living JUST FOR THAT. Let me put on my work face, put on my church face, put on my bar face, put on my mommy group face….. how can you deal? How could you live like that? I’d lose it trying to keep up with it all.
It’s much better if you just say to yourself, “This is me. This is who I am.” And to just KNOW you. You KNOW who you are and you’re sure of who you are. You’re sure you are a TOTAL slob but miracles happen everyday and some day, you’ll find your groove and you won’t be a slob anymore but today you’re a slob and there’s no getting around it. Period. You have to get dentures. That’s the deal, it is what it is. Just because your boss doesn’t like it very much doesn’t change the scenario. It doesn’t magically make reality disappear. So own it. Own yourself. OWN IT. Sometimes I really truly do have to remind myself. Like, “This is just me. Basically. Sorry! I’m just me. I’m not her, i’m not that, i’m me and I know me. I’m me over there, i’m me at home, i’m me in a car, i’m just me. God made me, me. I’m cool with me. We get along great”. It’s almost like you have to remind yourself, “FOCUS. You KNOW who you are”. And NOTHING will change that. They laugh? So what. They don’t like you? Sorry it didn’t work out. He left you? Blessing in disguise, now you can find someone who WON’T leave you. She talks about you behind your back? You control her thoughts and words. BOOM. I mean. Just know you and be cool with it. That’s what I do. No, I don’t feel like getting into a long drawn out thing about my teeth with people, I certainly don’t want anyone to ever pity me or feel sorry for me…… but I can’t change who I am, what i’ve done, what i’ve been through, I just can’t change it. The opinions of others can’t change it and i’m not about to be held captive to one’s thoughts of me. I don’t let other people’s problems with me become my problem. Straight up, moving on.
The new lipstick probably looks great. The shirt fits just right and the boots look amazing. That necklace perfectly accessorizes your outfit. Your hair falls just right……… but that’s not going to make you worry any less about what people think about you.It’s not going to make you sleep easier at night. It’s when you can be totally real, totally honest and unapologetic about yourself that you will look your best. You can’t buy that at a boutique, sweetie. Own yourself and your life and everything else will fall in line like clockwork.