Solitude

Here’s my philosophical bit for the day lol. I spend a lot of time out at Talbot Island these days…. well, once a week, at least, unless i’m hiking somewhere else. Basically, I try to give myself once a week to get outdoors alone. Some may find that to be extreme but I feel I truly need it. There is a wealth of information out there on the benefits of solitude. It is also considered to be a spiritual discipline. I feel like most of us don’t hear God because we don’t put ourselves in a position to be able to. The world we live in is very “entertainment” oriented. We have this constant need to be entertained by some distraction. Spending time alone, away from all of the distractions makes you better equipped to really, truly connect with God. Also, I feel that it’s nearly impossible to understand your fellow man without first knowing yourself. If you want to be of better service to others, to develop empathy for others and understand them….. you first have to understand yourself and your own behaviors….. away from your “roles”….. you are not your “roles”. You wear many costumes but underneath all of the layers is a different version of “you”. A raw, unfiltered version of yourself that you may have never even met before. Anyways, there is so much to say about this but here’s my little bit for the day. And yes. Paul McCartney. Tonight, maybe lol.

Blame it on my ADD…..

I don’t think it could be any more apparent that I have ADD lol. I mean, it’s clear. This is a really awesome lecture about seeing ADHD as a difference in cognition rather than a disorder. I wholeheartedly agree. We are medicated and we medicate our children so they can fit into society’s box….. the education system in this country is an all out joke that has become a monster that no one wants to touch. No one wants to give it the overhaul it SO desperately needs. Not *everyone* learns that way….. and it doesn’t mean they’re stupid…. it means they’re different. I started getting D’s and F’s in 4th grade. It just started to hit me that year after year, we’re doing the SAME thing….. over and over and over and over again…. and it’s like….. I JUST did this last year. Seriously. We’ve done this before, can we PLEASE do something else. A myriad of issues lead to me just totally abandoning school in 8th grade. Therefore, the last grade I completed was 7th grade. Really let that sink in lol. The last grade I actually finished was 7th grade. Doesn’t mean I don’t love learning. I enjoy learning more than anyone I actually know, including my college grad friends. I just learn differently. My brain functions differently. Society doesn’t want to conform to you….. society wants you to conform to society. So if you do things differently, they’ll shove pills down your throat so that you do things the way they want you to. I remember one of my therapists a while ago suggested I take medication to stop my dreams….. or tame them….. or something. Our minds are as diverse as our appearance. Not everyone functions the same. Anyways, my ADD is actually pulling me away from cleaning right now so that I can share this video about ADD lol. So here ya go. Oh nd I am definitely going to write a post about the Paul McCartney concert, just haven’t had time to dedicate to it yet =)

 

Time Travel Dream

It’s 6:00 AM. I had a dream that I went back in time…. It was sometime in the early 90’s, maybe around 92-93. This is crazy. So I called my grandma on the phone. I was in their old house in Windsor and I was watching all of us. I saw me as a kid, I saw my uncle, Grandpa, Grandma, my sister…. My grandma looked so much younger…. God, everyone looked so young. I was with my sister in the spare bedroom watching cartoons. My grandma was in the kitchen sitting at the table, talking to me. My uncle mike was sort of just walking around. I saw my grandpa in my uncle mike’s room messing around behind the dresser. Apparently there was a secret compartment behind the dresser that we never knew about. I found all of my grandma’s old jewelry in it and it literally smelled like the old beads she used to wear. There was also a drawer with all of her silk and lace scarves. Anyways. I got my grandma on the phone and I remember telling her, “Grandma, listen, it’s Kristi. This is crazy but I don’t have a lot of time, you have to listen to me.” And then I told her something to let her know it was me, I just can’t remember what it was. Then I said, “It’s 2014. In 1995, my family moved to Florida and you and grandpa moved around 6 months after us. You lived in the trailer next ti Aunt Betty’s house in Lake Whales. We came to visit you all the time and I loved seeing you and spending time with you over the summers.” and I started crying, she started getting a little emotional too…. then I told her the story of how my grandpa died and then how she died. I told her how much I loved her and how much she meant to me, that she was the best grandma anyone could have. I was uncontrollably crying the whole time. It was really emotional, it really was like I time traveled…. I just watched us all for a few minutes…. everything smelled just the way it used to, it felt the same but WAY smaller….. I think at some point I was playing with a doll of some sort but I looked bored. It was sunny outside but not *too* bright…. seemed like it might have actually been right at the beginning of fall or something. And then I woke up.

It’s game time!!

I am absolutely sure I have annoyed my sister and, more specifically, my husband to no end lol. I break out in Beatles’ song at random lol. When I finished doing Nova’s hair this morning, I told her to get back to where she once belonged lol. I was up late trying to figure out what i’d wear and how i’d do my hair. What can I say, it’s been a hard day’s night lol. I’ll stop now lol. I did have a dream that Paul called me on stage! I read all kinds of reviews and he literally puts on like the best show out there. THREE HOURS of music!!!! I am telling you, Paul is my favorite lol. All around an amazing man=) AHHHHHH!!!!!There is no such thing as playing it off lol. Way too excited. I’m actually contemplating making a sign just to make the whole thing legit lol. I’m out.

Beatles Songs

Ok I will just post 20 lol but these are in no way, shape or form the end all be all lol. I love waaaaaaayyyyy too many songs for me to contain them to one post lol. I guess McCartney’s Maybe I’m Amazed can be the jump off.

 

and I know i’m seeing only Paul so i’m aware that Paul doesn’t lead all of these songs but he’s a Beatle and so any Beatles song is appropriate for the situation lol.

Happiness is a Warm Gun

I need a fix cause i’m going down, down to the bits that i’ve left uptown…..

Hey Bulldog

Child-like….. no one understands….. Jack knife….. in your sweaty hands….. some kind of innocence is measured out in years. You don’t know what it’s like to listen to your fears. You can talk to me, you can talk to me, you can talk to me, if you’re lonely you can talk to me.

Dig a Pony

I told you so! All I want is you! Everything has got to be just like you want it to-o-o-o-oooooooo… beeeecccaaaaauuuuusssseeeeee!

 

Rocky Raccoon

And now Rocky Racoon, he fell back in his room, only to find Gideon’s Bible. Gideon checked out, and left it no doubt, to help with good Rocky’s revival, ahhhhhhh!!!!

 

In My Life

There are places I remember, all my life, though some have changed…… (ahhhhh that one line right there gets me! LOL. I just think of all the places i’ve been casually and the places that hold really deep meanings for me and how they only exist in my mind now)

 

Something

I don’t wanna leave her now, you know I believe in how……

 

Blackbird

All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise.

 

Octopus’ Garden

We would be so happy you and me, no one there to tell us what to do. I’d like to be, under the sea, in an Octopus’ garden with you…..

 

Ok, no. Lol. I can’t do this. This is crazy.

Lucy in the sky with diamonds

I saw her standing there

If I fell

I’ve just seen a face

And I love her

While my guitar gently weeps

I’m happy just to dance with you

Help

Yesterday

I’ll Follow the Sun

Here comes the sun

Hey Jude

Get Back

Helter Skelter

Revolution

Come Together

And even this is crazy! I can’t name them all lol. Too much process.

Hello Goodbye!

I don’t know why you say goodbye, I say hello…… hello, hello!

 

I’m so excited!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

Raaaaaaaaaannnnnddddddooooooommmmmmmm

As usual.

Gonna be allover the place with this one.

I have a really strong urge to draw the tree I saw in my dream last night. Only problem is, I know I won’t be able to lol. This is one of those times I wish I had a friend who could draw like REALLY well. There are some crazy crazy CRAZY things that I have seen in my dreams and it’s not fair lol. It’s not fair that these things are stuck in my head and I have no way to convey them….. that tree was one of them. I mean it was the coolest tree ever. Anyways I am probably going to fix myself a cup of coffee and at least attempt to draw it after this blog.

I literally threw the kids in the car barefoot and tried to catch the solar eclipse haha. I managed to see it on the way but the kids couldn’t see it….. so I went to my spot under the bridge that I usually go to for sky events…. it’s usually like the best place to go. Anyways. I pull up and there were two guys around my age that I guess rode their bikes up there to check it out. I put the car in park and stood up, leaning out of my door and yelled to them asking if they could see the sun from where they were. LOL they looked at me like I was an angel hahahaha. I’m not kidding it was so awkward…. so NATURALLY they said “Oh yeah, I mean, you can see a little bit…..” and i’m all like “Awesome!” and then I load each one of my four children out of the car barefoot hahahahaha. It was soooooooo funny the looks on their faces lol. So we went to where they were and of course the sun was already gone lol. One of the guys asked me if all four of them were mine. That has been happening so much lately. So I told them that yes, all four were mine and he said I must have my hands full. That is literally the first thing that everyone says when they find out I have four kids….. and i’m thinking…..”Dude. Do you think I would load them up barefoot, drive them all to a bridge for a solar eclipse if I had my ‘hands full'” lol! I got this. I’m good. Seriously. No big deal. No, for real, we’re okay lol. People look at me like I must struggle all the time or something and I mean, I do sometimes but no more than any other parent, honestly. Being a parent is exhausting, period. And yeah, I have a few extra steps involved lol but trust me, i’m not dying lol. I’m actually doing really well. We’ve got this on lock over here…. but thanks for asking! So I responded, “Oh no, it’s a breeze, honestly!” and I rode off listening to this:

 

Because SUMMER…..IS…….OVER :-( The horror. I know. I looooooovvvveeee fall….. and I get so excited for fall….. but then I am filled with regret of all of the things I didn’t do over the summer… the nights I should have spent out at the beach watching the stars or riding the bike on the path in the woods or running in an open field and blowing bubbles with the kids, playing baseball with Kevin, camping……UGH! Seriously! And I vow every year that I will do it better next year…. I mean, we did a LOT but GOD I want to do MORE. I want more, more, more lol. I think I am going to start writing lists of things I want to do for each season and COMMITTING to that shit. For real. I need to have more structure and organization so I can actually follow through instead of just forever talking about things I want to do. I need to go back out to the beach and lay up real soon….. before it really does get cold.

Now.

Bigger fish.

Fish that look sort of like:

paul_by_theoriginalbeatlebug-d4r4imy

 

Okay…. maybe the fish looks more like:

 

Stella McCartney show, Spring Summer 2014, Paris Fashion Week, France - 30 Sep 2013

 

At any rate, i’m there dude! Well, I will be there Saturday. Kevin seriously wants to take the kids to the air show saturday…..

 

Have fun with that, Kevin. I’m locking myself in the bedroom and turning off my phone lol. There is NOTHING that will interfere with me getting to this concert lol. Nothing. I’m not kidding you, I didn’t think i’d ever get to see Paul McCartney. I mean, can you think of a bigger name? I can’t. Maybe i’m biased lol. The BEATLES dude. I am seeing a freaking Beatle! So awesome! And my favorite, at that! He has always been my favorite. And he is still kicking ass at 72 years old. I am so excited. I am not one to get star struck. I couldn’t give a shit about celebrities….. even my favorites, I imagine i’d be pretty chill about them….. except Paul….. and i’ve started to get a weird obsession for Jake Bugg which is a little uncomfortable because he’s like 5 years old. I’m kidding…. but yeah. Two extremes here lol. SO talented. OMG. SOOOOOOO so talented! And just down to earth as ever…..

 

And humorous!

 

 

I mean, he’s just a brilliant man and it doesn’t hurt that The Beatles’ pretty much changed the game, nah mean?!? I would post a “My favorite Beatles songs” list but I don’t need that sort of stress in my life lol i’d have a hard time deciding.

So anyways. I think Paul McCartney is just as cool and chill and clever today as he was in the 60s. And that brings me to a point i’ve always sort of wanted to make. I like things that are timeless. I think people should be timeless. I don’t think people should be bound by their age or their generation or their culture or whatever. I think people should be free to move about. The body ages, the soul doesn’t age…. that’s why I don’t feel strange carrying on a conversation with someone in their 70’s or 80’s…… If things ever really mattered they should always matter…. is basically what i’m saying? I don’t know how to explain it lol. Ok, I am not a super trendy person…. like i’m not on point wearing the latest fashion all the time…. but honestly, drawing all sorts of attention to myself is like the last thing I want to do so I stay well within the normal margin of socially acceptable clothing lol. I don’t look eccentric. I’m not knocking those who are happy looking eccentric and i’m not saying there aren’t some pretty off the wall things I would like to wear. Truth be told, i’d probably be dressing like a for REAL hippie some days and a for REAL nerdy girl from the 60’s on other days and then some days i’d probably look like Sarah Connor from Terminator I mean you just never really know with me. But I won’t go there because I would not be happy if I stood out everywhere I went. But those things are still appealing to me. Classical music is appealing to me, it still sounds beautiful and will always sound beautiful. How does it lose it’s relevance? That was the music of that time. That is what the young lovers danced to. Why did that ever change among the youth? Fads come and go. I don’t like changing with fads. I like what I like. Things should be timeless.

I don’t think i’ve made any sense and I have no lifelines lol I don’t know what to do now.

And then another curve ball that will probably make you wonder why you even read my blog….. I know myself, I observe myself and I sometimes stereotype myself as I think the world might. Like, I look at this post, even, and imagine people would think i’m childish….. I really am “childish” in a lot of ways…. but I hope no one ever confuses that with me not understanding and knowing better…. I choose to be childish. It’s a choice. I could neutralize my wardrobe and wear mom shorts and loafers and what not. I could plain jane my hair to a boring shade of brown with subtle, thin highlights….. and I could wear soft makeup with a little lipgloss, a dainty necklace, clear coat on my nails…. I mean, I know how it’s done, okay? LOL. I get it, I understand how to be an adult woman. I could rock the scarf and tunic and leggings with “funky” little earrings just to prove I have at least a shred of personality left….. I could “grow up” and all that fun stuff…. but honestly, I don’t want to. I choose not to. I make a choice everyday that I will NOT be the owner of a minivan and mom jeans because I WON’T lol. I’m not doing it. I am happy with myself. People sort of look depressed like, “Ugh, being an adult is sooooo serious…. I’m soooooooo responsible….. I’m old…. back problems….. I don’t do ‘that stuff’ anymore…..” and i’m over here building sand castles and shit. Because I can. If you’re boring as shit, stop being boring. Stop thinking that being a responsible adult means you have to be ordinary and plain. I mean, if you want to be plain and ordinary, that’s fine….. but stop walking around bitching about life like it goes downhill with age because it doesn’t. You get SMARTER you SHOULD get happier lol. I don’t see myself ever getting played out lol. I’m going to continuously reinvent myself year after year after year. I’m childish….. but i’m fully aware of my childishness. At least i’m not miserable and depressive.

Paul McCartney good Lord. It’s happening. This blog was stupid. Basically everything that I talked about that didn’t involve paul mccartney was kinda lame. I’m sorry.

 

 

 

Church, Doctor’s, Fishing, car accidents and the future

I can’t even think straight right now i’m so tired lol. I wanted to write this before I forget. I had a weird dream. I was in St. Mary’s Georgia getting ready to catch the ferry to Cumberland Island. I stopped in a small white church to get some sort of instruction from a pastor…… but the church wasn’t a church when I got inside, it was a Doctor’s office and I got a brief check up to make sure I was healthy….. but when I came out, I remembered it two ways. I remembered it being a doctors office and that I had a check up but I also remembered it being a meeting with the pastor and receiving instruction of some sort. So I left and I waited on a bench outside for the ferry. It was night time. I sat down next to a scientist that was teaching at the nearby college. We were talking about the universe and there was a large screen TV playing outside…..just showing video of the universe to music….. really weird… and he turned and looked at me and said, “You know we’ve found the particle that started it all?” and my mind was blown….. I know we had a conversation about it but I don’t remember it. So I took a small boat to Cumberland Island. It was still dark out….. Wait. I guess I should specify. When I was at the church, it was daytime. By the time I got out, it was dark. When I arrived at Cumberland Island, it was light again. The water was clear like in my other dreams, looked like paradise lol. My brother met me at the shore. They were in the water trying to fish. They didn’t have a fishing pole for me so I started catching fish left and right with my bare hands. I hung out with him and Brenda for a little bit then caught the boat home. I met up with a young guy on the other side. He was overweight and was wearing a white coat like he was either a Doctor or a scientist but he kept asking me questions about who I had been in contact with…… and I told him about the doctors, the church and the scientist….. then I realized I had the stethoscope with me and shannon was like, “Uh, Kristi, your insurance isn’t going to pay for that, you need to take that back” LOL. So we walked back to the church and I dropped it off.

This dream was WEIRD.

Edit: I went back to sleep and woke up at like 6 something. I had a dream that Kevin was going to park a motorcycle. He tried to drift it or something, it was weird, but he got ahead of himself and wrecked it. My dad was out there and I screamed, “Omg, Kevin!” and ran to him and my dad said, “He hit his head on the road pretty bad”…… and I picked Kevin up and carried him inside. Literally picked him up like a child on my hip LOL. He’d probably kill me if he knew I wrote that haha. He was responsive, just cut up really badly and I was SO ANGRY. I am always worried about him getting into an accident because he’s just honestly not that coordinated. He won’t admit that but he isn’t.

I went back to sleep and just woke up (running a little behind this morning). I had a dream that I took Judea for a walk down Jammes Rd, the street I lived on when I first moved to Jax. I lived like three houses down from the baptist church on the same side of the road. So I showed him the old house and we kept going. Wow. Wait. No. We were walking because my car set on fire at the corner of Jammes and 103rd. Idk what is there now but it used to be a bread store so that’s where we were going and the car started smoking. I got out and looked under the hood and it was on fire. So I got the kids out of the car and I think my Dad or Kevin took the other three so it was just me and Judea walking. Anyways. So then we looked across the street from my house and someone had wrecked their car. I don’t remember much of that but I know they were okay. Then we walked a little more and I looked up and right next to the field, a small red pickup had crashed. The truck was smoking and everyone was gathered around just watching them. I went up to the truck and I saw it was an old friend from middle school in the driver’s seat. His whole family was unconscious, even a couple of kids. I guess everyone was waiting for rescue to get there. I walked up and was about to pull the kids out of the car when my friend regained consciousness. They rolled the windows up because they didn’t know what they were going to do…… he looked like he might have actually been thinking about driving off. So I knocked on the window and he recognized me and I just started talking to him telling him to do the right thing, no matter what….. and that was that with him. So we crossed the street and when we did, it was like we stepped into the future. I was walking back towards my house under these trees. Wow. This is weird. So, these trees shed a lot of leaves in the fall….. and one fall, my friend Dale and I were walking together under the trees and I was sort of lagging behind. He got behind me and started playfully pushing me to go and the leaves were falling everywhere….. I clearly remember it was under these same trees that were in my dream, right at the corner of the first street before you get to the church…. Yesterday, my husband was cleaning out my parent’s shed and he found a clipboard that I had graffiti’d with me and Dale’s name from middle school. Dale is my friend that died in the car accident. So that’s weird. Anyways, Judea and I were walking under these trees but omg they were gorgeous. The leaves were all turning really bright fall colors and suddenly there were lighted strands everywhere, it was the prettiest thing ever. I kept walking and it was like the trees began to form a tunnel to walk through with their branches. Remember, we are in the future lol. The branches grew perfectly portioned slices of apples with skins the color of like a pastel rainbow…. soft shades of pink and pale green and yellow and lavender…. and they were already sliced…. and each slice had a different flavor…. I took a bite of one of the apples and it was REALLY juicy I think it tasted sort of like mango but someone got one that tasted like bacon haha! Everyone was just standing under this tree in astonishment, eating all of the apples….. where the house should have been, there was a little shop with windows that open up to the outside to take peoples’ orders. They were preparing the apples in different dishes and pies and what not. It felt like I was somewhere magical like I was on the set of willy wonka only definitely zero cheese factor (I love that movie but let’s be real here lol)….. it was just awesome…. and I was sure it was the future….

Oh and as we were walking, this was playing:

The end.