Time travel is totally possible

With the right music LOL.

Seriously, there are a bunch of songs that remind me of childhood….. too many to mention…. but some of them stand out way more than others. These would be two of them. It’s like I can smell them when they play lol. Weird?

 

and

 

 

I love anything that feels like my childhood…..

Mind Blown Quantum Physics

Let me state up front that I hardly grasp quantum physics. As I have stated before, i’m only curious of many things. Things that have the potential to blow my mind, attract me lol. I could have never, ever been a physicist. Ever. So I don’t want anything thinking i’m trying to give the impression that I think I am some sort of scientist or anything LOL.

I’ve just always been so fascinated by the world and us and how we fit into the world and God and just……reality. I have never been able to just accept things as they are…. anything, really. I want to know why. I am here, this is my life, this is my life situation, but….. why? This is the typical sequence of events in a lifetime….. but why? And i’ve always looked at people as robots that have been programed to act in a certain way and think certain things and just like a robot, they don’t question it. They just do whatever it is they are programmed to do. So, talking to people has sometimes felt like talking to robots. You do come across those few who, like you, just can’t take the world at face value….. and that’s always a breath of fresh air…. but this entire world around us is run on a very precise system with set ways of thinking and I just always wanted to know why.

For instance. Something SO silly. WHY can’t I go to my next door neighbor’s house and ask if he and his wife would like to just sit down and talk about life. Why? Well…. technically, I could. I don’t know them. We’ve said hello but that’s it. So it would be super creepy to just randomly knock on their door and ask to chat. Why? Why are all buildings painted neutral colors? There are so many different colors in the world and nature isn’t neutral by a stretch…. so why do we place these stupid limits on ourselves? Isn’t there like, bigger fish to fry? Like ending wars and curing diseases and ending world hunger? So many serious issues to deal with in this world yet we stress ourselves out over whether the color we choose to paint our homes and businesses might offend others. It’s always seemed so crazy to me.

And fear….. we are taught at such a young age that the world is scary and dangerous and even we are scary and dangerous and so we’ve pretty much been enslaved our whole lives…. slaves to our own fears and limitations….. and we just accept it. Even when we call it out, call it like it is, even when we know we are living in bondage, we don’t try to set ourselves free…. we are so paranoid, we are scared of true freedom. We’ve been prisoners for so long, we don’t know what we’d do if we were to escape it. So we stay in this cozy little comfortable existence and just wait for it to pass us by…. hope we get some good experiences out of it but most of us aren’t really pressing our luck. No, we don’t strive to be president. We don’t think big….. most of us don’t. We don’t want to make any sort of a splash, we just want to gently slip in, wade around and make as few ripples as possible until one day we just sort of sink to the bottom and fade away….. And what awaits us on the other side? Something better than this, of course…. hopefully a life in which we won’t be burdened by so many options and difficult decisions.

This life isn’t important. I tell myself that sometimes. I am guilty as anyone else is. This life is so brief it almost doesn’t even exist…… but if that were the case, why bother? Why strive for anything at all? Everything should be permissible and nothing matters. If this life isn’t important, if it’s not about this life, you have to take that one to the bank. You can’t cherry pick it. If it doesn’t matter, go buck. Quit your job. Leave your home. Do whatever. Have a blast.

This life IS important. We are here at this moment in time for a very specific reason……

But time….. time makes my head spin, it makes me go crazy. If there is something that exists outside of our reality that is not bound by space or time….. and we ever have a shot at being at that place…… then we have always existed. We have to already be there right now. Seriously, what point of reference is there in Heaven? How is it possible for you to arrive in Heaven? Your arrival would signify a moment in time, which doesn’t exist there. Right? If we are in the presence our our God and God is not bound by space or time then that means we also will not be bound by space or time and if that is the case then we had to have always been there….

Which opens the discussion for quantum physics. Here is a very elementary explanation of quantum physics that even my 6 year old can someone grasp:

 

 

So basically….. electrons only take an absolute position in space and time when they are being observed. Until they are observed, they are merely possibilities…… endless possible outcomes. There is no way I expect anyone reading this to understand that or even care to if they’ve not been into this sort of thing for a while. At one point, people thought the world was flat and that if you sailed far enough, you’d fall off the edge. What’s beyond the edge? Monsters. We can laugh at that now but do you understand that people dedicated their ENTIRE LIVES to proving that theory wrong?! Think about it. People invested all they had in their LIFE to proving that the world couldn’t possibly be flat. People were laughed at, mocked, outcasted…… and even KILLED for their belief that the world was, in fact, round. I don’t take that lightly at all. We owe it to the “crazies” of society because it’s the weirdos that push the limits…… without fear of ridicule and backlash…. Where would we be without the bold ones? Think about it.

Anyways. So the mere fact that electrons choose position only upon being observed means that what we consider as being real……isn’t really real at all…. We already know that atoms mainly consist of empty space. Now we know that those barely there nuclei are surrounded by these sketchy electrons that only appear “there” when you call them out. To put it in layman’s terms…. this computer that I am typing on is so barely there that it’s basically like, not even here….

Anyways this lead me to the whole conspiracy theory that we are living in a simulation much like the matrix. I watched all 20 of the videos in this series:

 

 

I don’t totally agree with or completely grasp everything that was mentioned in the above videos but a lot of the information is certainly compelling enough to investigate further….

Before I go further, I want to state….. I know I can’t know everything. I don’t expect to know everything. I don’t expect to understand. I also know that there are things that NONE of us will EVER comprehend in this lifetime because we are bound by earthly laws and there exists a place beyond these laws that we must obey….. and we’ll never grasp that concept until we have been set free from our current setup. I get it. BUT. I will never use that as justification for not embarking on an endless search of knowledge. People are so irresponsible they’re all like, “Well, we’ll never have all the answers so we might as well enjoy the world while we can!” Remember….. had we all kept that mentality, we’d still be thinking that monsters awaited us at the edge of the horizon. So cut it out. That is an excuse people use when they don’t want to invest the brain capacity into thinking of something outside of their new hairdos, meal plans and gym memberships or whatever else normal people are into. I think we are all on our own personal journeys and I have felt, my entire life, called to understand more. It’s so rooted into my existence that I know no other way of being. This is just who I am, it’s who I have always been. I have also always had this knowledge ingrained within that this life isn’t all there is….. and i’ve always felt this cord that connects me to what is beyond this life….. The older I get, the more pressing this becomes….

Ok so after watching the series above, I began watching this series, of which I just completed part two:

http://www.holographicuniverseworkshops.com

Disclaimer: If you can’t watch material from an objective standpoint, I wouldn’t even recommend watching anything I EVER post on this blog lol. I choose to make up my mind AFTER I have objectively analyzed the information. I don’t get offended by much because if it doesn’t sync up with my beliefs or view of the world, I just discard it. It’s that simple. I take only what I need.

This is on the very cutting edge of scientific research…… but to sum it up, what we perceive as being an “objective reality” out there….. may not even be real…. of course it is real to us because this is all that we know but it isn’t real in the sense that we take in information from a world that exists with or without us….. it’s way too deep…. but I am telling you, if you care about this sort of thing at ALL, I HIGHLY recommend at least the first two videos of this workshop. I can’t speak for the other videos, as I haven’t watched them yet…..

God spoke the universe into existence and I believe that with all of my heart and soul. (Btw, I actually watched another documentary about how at the beginning of creation there only existed sound waves and so basically that gives a very literal sense to the whole “in the beginning there was the Word….” But that doesn’t mean a very precise act of creation didn’t take place…. you know, when we say He spoke it into existence, we often get this “abracadabra” image of creation in our minds….. poof! Universe. God only needs to speak it for it to exist…… but in speaking it into existence, an absolutely amazing process took place and I don’t think our brains will ever be able to handle that information…. but according to this idea….. our brains are actually receiving a signal from an outside source……. I’m not even going to attempt to explain it like dude did….. you’ll have to watch it for anything I say to make sense….

What if these vessels we are in really *aren’t* real in the sense that we define reality? What if we really are in a simulation? What if when we die, we’re really just opting out of the simulation?

I’ve also watched a bunch of documentaries that explain how water is like a giant source of information…. and that it contains memories…. How crazy is that? YouTube it. “Water has memory”. That sort of puts a new spin on the whole being baptized thing….. seriously, if you understand what water actually does…. you’ll just sort of think of things in a more “woooowwwwww” sort of way….

And also….. plants are intelligent. Youtube that. “Plant consciousness”. That will also make you think about why “going out into the wilderness” aspect of the Bible might have really been significant….

The world is just so complex and I really, truly believe that we aren’t getting the real deal, here. I really feel that we have been blinded. I am happy, regardless. I am still full of joy at the fact that I am here…. but I am for sure on a mission. Sorry that my blog has turned into conspiracy ground zero here lol. I go in and out of this phase……..

Btw, I bought 5 plants….. and I bought them under the assumption that these little bastards are actually thinking stuff lol. So i’m like….. playing them Mozart and high fiving them every once in a while. The bamboo is Frank but the other ones don’t seem like they have much of a personality so i’ve not named them yet. I’m joking not joking. Oh and i’ve decided the family needs a for real microscope….. for research purposes lol. Out.

Edit LOL: So I got partially into the third installment of the holographic universe series when they mentioned that it is “consciousness” that sends us the “script” for our life story. This universal “consciousness” is what makes everything able to exist. I set this to private because I don’t want to confuse people…. but this is my blog and I get it. They can call it consciousness, I call Him God….. I think the idea of a holographic universe is on the right track and, to me, only lines up with much of what the Bible says about our world and our existence. So don’t go thinking i’m part of a new age cult or anything. I may look back on this in 5 years and think “Wow, you were pretty loony, Kristi” because I talk to myself, so there ya go.

Also, I feel it’s important to add this. There was a time in my mid-twenties where I thought it was very childish to continue to question things the way I do. Like, I am fully aware of the fact that I have a childlike questioning operation…. so don’t even think that I feel i’m not aware of how random and childish I may appear at times…. anyways, I became aware of that and so I stopped. I stopped digging into these subjects and just worried about the “here and now” and just typical life of bills and shit. But that just didn’t feel right. After a while, I felt like I was selling out lol. I think all adults reach that pivotal moment where they can actually make a choice…. do they give up their awe and wonder of the world and trade it in for a tie and a briefcase? Do they stop questioning, start accepting and running in the rat race? Do they stay on the hamster wheel, so long as there is a paycheck? I think we should all take some notes from our children. They soak up information. They are full of awe and wonder. They have no preconceived notions about the world. They are open to anything you tell them and they don’t really judge it. Everything is possible to a child. That thirst for knowledge turns into drive and energy in the teenage years….. the sort of ambition that changes the world if it is channeled correctly….. but by adulthood, we are beaten down and defeated and forced to submit to the idea that life is nothing more than 1) traditional education 2) career 3) marriage 4) kids 5), 6), 7), etc…… just this sequence of steps, this one-size-fits-all approach to life. We grab our ladders and jump right into the box that society has established for us…… and we look at people like me, who still question things like a child, as being “immature”….. so that’s just some food for thought!

It is my responsibility and moral obligation to inform everyone that I am nearing the end of the fourth video in the 5 part series about the holographic universe…. and I have determined that this man, if he truly believes this stuff, is a total fucking loon. I don’t think the entire theory is derailed as a result….. the first part where he was in the quantum physics of it, seems pretty legit…. it where the quantum physics ended and the metaphysics began that everything went south. Sorry, dude. I am not a sim and that is NOT the ego talking lol. Geez. 

 

Random nonsense

I’ve been sucked into a doodling phase.

Here’s the first one. I think the reason why I wanted to start doing them was to sort of break out of my perfectionism and think outside the box. I wanted to do something unstructured and random. As you can see, they become more structured LOL. I need to stick to nonsense, otherwise i’ll just start stressing myself out over it lol.

 

First doodle

Here’s the second one. This time, I decided to draw a scenery and fill it in with patterns. I thought this was pretty cool. I did the first one with sharpies, the second picture was a combination or sharpies and watercolor markers.

second doodle

Here’s the third one. I had a picture in my head of a guy holding an umbrella so I peeped it out online to try and figure out how to pull it off lol. I never trace anything but if I don’t know how to draw something, I just look online and draw what I see. So that’s where the dude came from. The house was actually a for real house I saw on google, I thought it looked cool because it had two barren trees in front of it and it looked spooky. Everything else was basically stuff I just randomly came up with. But I wanted to try to do something with a night/rain scene. I need more supplies lol. Everything I have is really colorful. That’s why I used colored pencils here. I wanted to blend and shade and what not. I need to practice more in order to get more of a nighttime appearance…. I think I went too bright lol. Anyways, it was fun.

third doodle

 

My sister was laughing at all of the random shit I find myself into. She said I was going to casually mention on FB that I have my pilot’s license haha… I really am into a lot of stuff. I just love life and I think it’s cool that we have all of these options at our fingertips, ya know? How can people be bored and complain about not having anything to do? My problem is that there is TOO much to do and too little time to do it lol.

That’s what got me out in the rain the other day. We’re basically lead to believe that the world is off limits when it rains. Things shut down, people start running….. like running for the stoop, running for the car, running home, etc… it’s like everyone shuts down shop….. you’d think legit acid was pouring out of the sky…. no, like, melt your face off acid. It’s only water. The world looks so different when it rains. It’s awesome to witness. I’ve always been fascinated by the rain and storms. I’d sit in my window all night and just watch it pour. I still do it. I sit with the kids right up at the glass door and we just watch the rain. It’s relaxing. Makes me feel contemplative lol. The original plan was to go alone but since Kevin came we made an event out of it and I am glad we did, I am glad we got to have another novel experience together. When I do make it out there alone in the rain, my plan is to seriously put some tarp over the driftwood and just watch the rain……

I used to make forts in random parts of the house. I’ve said that a billion times on this blog lol. But i’ve always liked having my own little space, my own piece of the world where I could just sit by myself and think. So I think it would be so nice to make my own fort at the beach in the rain. NO ONE is there when it rains lol. It’s so awesome.

I had a dream last night that I was pregnant with #5. Oh, you bet lol. It was um….. pretty intense. The kids’ doctor was my doctor. I guess I missed my period for like three months but was sort of like whatever happens happens…. I took a blood test at the doctor’s and he said I was pregnant…. like full on, maybe 4 months or so lol. I’m seriously so torn. SO many people have been having babies lately and i’m over here like freaking octomom thinking about how I want some more babies hahaha. I’m serious. I thoroughly enjoy having a big family. I don’t see it as being a hassle, I mean, yeah it’s complicated sometimes but that’s life. Life is complicated. I’m not trying to have the easiest possible life, i’m trying to have the most rewarding life. Rewarding is hardly ever easy. I love having four kids. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately and I casually threw it out to Kevin and said, “What would you think about having number 5 someday? Ya know….. like a few years from now or something….. just…..hypothetically…..” I thought he was going to freak out and tell me to leave the room because he basically looks at me and i’m pregnant haha…. but he actually paused and thought about it for a moment and was like, “I don’t think i’d mind having another……. in a few years…. i don’t know…..” hahaha we’re both torn. It’s stressful but it’s awesome. This is our crew. This is our life. They’re little now so it’s challenging, we’re in the hard part where they aren’t really independent….. but they’re gonna grow and become more self-sufficient and it’s gonna get easier…. and I just think about these four blessings growing up to be awesome people in the world. Under certain life circumstances, I don’t think I am totally opposed to number 5 lol. Tell that to my friends and family LOL. God, there is such a stigma associated with having more than 2 kids! For real! Our great grandparents were popping out like 12 babies lol…. Our grandparents were having 5 and 5…. our parents usually had about 3….. now it’s down to 2….. People look at me like a science project sometimes. I often get the “Are they all yours?!” It was actually nice the other day because some guy mentioned that he thought I was their big sister haha he was totally trying to be slick but it still felt great. I like to think I don’t LOOK like the mother of four……. BUT…… I function like a badass mother of four haha.

I have been dying to tell everyone that I absolutely do NOT eat the broccoli stalks. I sure don’t. I eat the florets.

I also have a confession. I am a responsible driver and I give people the benefit of a doubt. I’m not a lunatic…… but there are some days….. like today…… where I literally want to follow a person everywhere they go while relentlessly laying on the horn. I’m serious…. like, I won’t take my hands off the horn. I will follow them to the store, the bank, home, everywhere…… and just lay on the horn the whole time. That’s how bad people piss me off on the road sometimes lol. I don’t know how people are so shocked that they find themselves in horrific car accidents….. I see people everyday that are basically living on a prayer. It’s amazing.

I want to get up on the roof and meditate. Is that weird?

Ok, so….. I’ve been getting a little too involved in quantum physics lately. I am telling you, I THINK. My mind is blown when people are like, “Huh. Haven’t really thought of that!”….. HOW have you not thought of that?! How do you not think???? How do people NOT ponder things? I can’t imagine what that feels like. Albert Einstein has a quote that pretty much sums up my mentality haha:

I-have-no-special-talents.-I-am-only-passionately-curious.-Albert-Einstein-quote--1024x682

 

I’m not an expert in anything. I’m not like awesome at any particular thing…. but I do love to know things. I am very curious about everything. I like to have a basic knowledge of a lot of different things. I like trying new things. PASSIONATELY curious. So, i’m always thinking. I have absolutely no shame whatsoever in admitting that I have questioned whether or not ALL of you are just VERY elaborate simulations, so much so that even you believe you are real, yet, I am the only real person on the planet. I know that probably sounds narcissistic but it has seriously crossed my mind. When I was little, I mean like throwing it back to age 6 and 7 ish. I had two theories. One was that God was this giant in the sky and we were all puppets in his puppet show….. like dolls, almost. I was 6, give me a break. Another was that this life isn’t real at all, i’m either asleep or in a coma or something and i’ll wake up to the real world someday. I genuinely thought I would wake up and be in a different reality, don’t know why, that’s just what I thought. So i’ve thought about the idea of parallel universes…. i’ve even thought along the lines of each of us having our own universe in which we’re the only real ones in it and the whole damn thing is like a test….. everything is testing us…. like this is a giant simulation and it’s not real… that’s what got me searching the whole “we live in the matrix” thing. Dude…. this physicist found actual computer code in the string theory equations….

 

If that doesn’t blow your mind, I don’t know what to tell you. Reality…… this whole thing is like the biggest mind fuck ever. I’m sorry for the language but i’m being very, very serious. People are entirely too simple minded. I’m talking Christians, Athiests and everyone in between. People are so very caught up in this superficial reality of material possessions and worldly comfort and success…. that has never, ever, ever been a part of my thought process. Ever. There has never been any evidence of me aiming for that sort of lifestyle. EVER. Keeping it real since 1984, folks. Not bullshitting….. I like material things. I like comfort. I like the average life. BUT. I am so very consciously aware of the fact that that stuff is not life and it’s like on the bottom of the totem pole of important life shit. Even my own body. The older I get, the more detached I become. I become so much more aware of the fact that this body is no more important than the tree in my backyard. Ya dig? I’ve become aware of myself….. who I am and who I am not…. what defines me and what doesn’t…. and it always gets deeper. The thoughts and revelations only grow in intensity to where sometimes I literally have to force myself to do meaningless things just to not go bonkers thinking about it. At one point, I forced myself to get into The Kardashians show just so I could feel a link between me and the world around me lol….. because I so don’t feel like this world is real. I never have…..

I think it’s better to think of some off-the-wall shit like the world being one giant computer simulation, than to not put any thought into it at all. People like to play it safe. They don’t want to expose themselves to thoughts, ideas and concepts that might alter their perception of reality, forcing them out of their comfortable world view. So they become very passive. They are okay, so long as they can believe that their job, their stuff, their hobbies and fun and experiences, their immediate circumstances, are their reality. That’s what it is for them and they are okay with that. If you try to speak of anything beyond that……. that there might be more to it than that, they get a little freaked out. I mean you can see them become visibly uncomfortable…… they don’t want to go there…. so if they aren’t totally rolling their eye and giving you the, “Ugh, here we go again”…… or if they aren’t playfully laughing at you like, “You’re so weird! Haha!”….. then they will carefully nod their head and give you the whole, “Hmmm. That’s interesting!”…… and that’s the extent of that.

That gets lonely. It gets lonely because it sometimes feels like i’m in a freaking hot air ballon and I just keep drifting further and further away from the world and everyone in it…. and no one is with me. No one relates to that. I mean, this is important stuff to me. It’s not just a hobby, this is life. This is my world view. I hold a world view that is VERY different from many of the people I come in contact with…. and so it’s hard to engage in superficial chit chat about shit that I feel shouldn’t really matter. I try. I compensate. I can do it. But sometimes it gets depressing because I feel like i’m being torn…. i’m torn between who I am and what I feel I know and then what the world expects me to be and that I am just not that. That’s just not me.

I feel like the further I drift from the world, the closer I get to God.

Man, I see people talking about a powerful God but then downplay His REAL power…. no one wants to go there…. it might get too close to the fringe….. might sound like the occult or something….. God changed, I guess? This God that never changes, I guess He changed so people are more comfortable. The God that came to men in dreams, appeared in visions, lead people to their destinations in VERY supernatural ways, sent angels to distort cities and blind men and give news….. Oh come on…. the God that did ALL OF THAT…. now He’s just sort of chilling, ya know? Taking it easy, huh…. Like God is up there sitting in a rocking chair talking about how awesome it was in the earlier days of creation. I’m serious, it seems like people downplay God. The reason it seems that way is because people relate God’s powers to trivial shit….. to THEIR world view…. they go through a trial, they are being punished. Something great happens to them, they’re blessed. Life is all about this stuff….. God blessed me with a new car (which, He did…. totally….) but that’s what God is up to, these days…. God’s helping people get over the flu…. giving people food…. the devil is usually just sneaking around people’s houses in the early hours, convincing them not to go to church, making their children gay, causing their husbands to look at porn….. This is a fucking joke, man. For real. I’m just finding it so hard to relate to anyone anymore.

I feel something is off in this world and I have not found a group of people to discuss that with, that’s what I am saying. I am totally a Christian. I am a Bible believing, Jesus loving Christian. Absolutely. BUT. I’ve not seen any radical Christians, yet. It’s like baseball. You may have different teams….. you may have different uniforms….. but you’re all playing baseball. Right? You’re all doing the same thing. It looks exactly the same. It looks like baseball to me. I don’t care what team you play for. It’s baseball. Christians and atheists alike are playing baseball. I’ve not seen any radical shift in thinking or behavior or anything. It all looks the same to me.

This is probably going to end up being one of those posts that I regret. As you will see, I often make posts private because I feel i’ve said too much…. but it’s for real. I am being 100% honest here. This is what I think about. These are the things I think about often. Something is wrong with this world, something is strange…….. and everyone is basically blind to it.

 

Important edit 9/27: So, I re-read this and realized I sounded sort of out there. When I get going, sometimes I go hard lol and I sound crazy. I made this private for that reason but I am now making it public because fuck that, this is my blog and this is seriously how I feel sometimes. Tough pill to swallow. Break it in pieces if you must lol. 

Wedding Dream

The first dream was really weird and I don’t remember really anything. I was in sort of a college town, kind of like Gainesville. I was sitting in a pizza place at a table with some people my age and I overheard one o the guys say something that got me curious. So I leaned in and asked him if he was into conspiracies and we started talking about all sorts of weird ones lol. Anyways I had been being chased by a guy that looked like one of the dudes from the Matrix….. because I seriously watch too many conspiracy documentaries lol. In the dream, I was in reality. The guy told me that he had a dream last night and talked to one of the guys that was after me and he described him as one of the people that was in the pizza parlor. My head hurts, enough of this weird one lol.

Anyways I had another dream that I was getting married to Kevin again. We were in a really large room in another country. The ceilings were so high that there was an old tree in the middle of the room. It looked just like my favorite old tree at Talbot Island and I thought, “Yep, that’s where we’ll do the ceremony! Right in front of that tree!”  I had Kevin, the dress and that tree and I could finally smile. I felt like that was all that was needed and I was extremely content. It was the night before the wedding and literally 20 people with me started throwing all sorts of doubts in my mind. Some were saying I absolutely HAD to have better undergarments and if I didn’t get them, I wouldn’t look right and I would regret it. As I was talking about doing the ceremony in front of the tree, everyone started saying, “But look around! You have to do something about this!” and the room we were in suddenly turned into like an old living room with dated wallpaper and decor. It’s like as soon as they all started complaining, it appeared and I started to panic. The more they complained, the worse it got…. they moved pictures and holes exposing the outdoors appeared, it was awful. Nothing was good enough for anyone around me.

I guess I got married, Idk. I was now at the reception which was sort of like more of a small get-together. We were in a small home and maybe 30 people showed. I sat in the living room and most everyone else did their own thing in other rooms, didn’t even come out to say hello or congratulate me. I sat between my sister and another woman that I knew but not too well. My mom was across from me taking pictures with a small, rinky dink camera, I didn’t even have anyone willing to take professional pictures. Then, the woman next to me gave me a gift. She was a really unlikely person, one that I didn’t even think would show up. She gave me a bag full of hand written memories of us. She wrote a thank-you letter for me taking the time to get to know her. She made a collage of like memories between us or something, it was weird. All of this was on copy paper and though it looked sort of thrown together, I was under the impression she took a lot of time making it, she put a lot of effort into it because she didn’t have money to buy me a gift….. and I was SO happy. Everyone else left these big gifts for me on the table but here she was sitting next to me, somewhat embarrassed by her gift but happy to share them with me. It was really nice and refreshing and I thought, “People should be REQUIRED to make gifts….. because there’s more sincerity in them and that’s all that matters”. My sister gave me a pillow pet LOL! And that was that.

Then, Kevin and I were walking around, the weather felt nice again. Somehow we ended up in a car driving across a large bridge and bombs are going off in the water. We had been invaded by a foreign country. It was weird because building were in the water being hit and going under. I was so worried that we might not make it over the bridge, but we did. The end.

Greenday, drugs, cool bike, rude people dream

How is that for a title? LOL.

I was at my house and my sister was at my brother’s house with a bunch of people i’ve never met before. She face timed me to introduce me but as she passed the phone around, people weren’t really introducing themselves or saying hello or anything….. and I thought, “wow, y’all are rude”…. they were acting really snooty or whatever and sort of acting like they ran the show at my brother’s house. He was off on a store run……. so I had my sister hook the phone up to his flat screen so everyone could see me and I went off on them and told them all to get the fuck out lol. That’s not me, it would have to be a really extreme situation for me to demand people to leave like that but for some reason, I was so bothered by their rudeness that it seemed appropriate lol. They all looked shocked as they left the apartment one by one….. and I sort of just nodded like justice was served lol.

So then I was at my brother’s house and a few of the decent ones lingered. It was fall and everyone was making a big deal about it, as if it were a holiday. People were all outside with their music up, everyone was socializing, it was so nice. It was how you wish neighborhoods really were. We were getting ready for something when an old friend of my showed up. She pops up from time to time and I am telling you, she fell off. When I say she fell off, I mean totally homeless, no teeth, paranoid and very clearly on drugs. It’s like the saddest thing i’ve ever seen happen to someone that close to me. So I have nightmares about her every once in a while. She came by and I was just talking to her, trying to talk sense into her like I always do….. some guy knocked on the back door and she scampered outside. I sat there and watched her buy drugs from him. So I ran outside and I started screaming at him. I asked him how he felt contributing to people throwing their lives away, told him she had kids that can’t even be with her because of her situation and I told him that he was oblivious to his pure selfishness….. I was just screaming at him and he was shaking his head like he wasn’t picking up what I was throwing down. I took her drugs and threw it in some bushes and she went inside. I stayed outside to admire the drug dealers bike. It was a really antiqued yellowish/greenish/orangish chrome matte color. It was so dope like I wouldn’t mind painting my bike like that haha. The bike was like a two seater tricycle with a bench on the very back for either hauling coolers and stuff or another person. Under the handlebars were a bunch of gears and clocks and stuff in a brushed copper color that had the whole steam punk vibe to it. On the bar between his seat and the handlebars was a metal plate where you could strap like a basket or something down to it just for extra storage. The plate had an embossment of Aslan from Narnia. I’m telling you, this bike was like the coolest situation lol.

The wind was lightly blowing and it was overcast, it felt amazing outside, really peaceful and happy, minus the situation with my friend…. and this song was playing at a neighbor’s house:

The Bystander Effect

Earlier today, I was at the Walmart I swore I would never return to. It is what it is. Anyways. After we gathered up the last of our stuff, we headed back to the garden center to pay…… because I like to keep Walmart shenanigans to a minimum and this is away from most of the atrocities that occur in Walmart lol. Anyways, as we passed the shoe section, a little boy, that appeared to be around three years old, came running past us. I mean, he was digging. And the whole time, he was VERY clearly screaming, “Where’s my mommy? Where’s my mommy?”….. all of these grown folk are walking right by this kid WATCHING HIM frantically search for his mother. They shook their heads as if to say, “Such a shame, poor kid” but continued on their way. I am telling you, I was in such a state of disbelief I could literally scream at these people. I just couldn’t even wrap my head around the idea that these people were watching a small child run loose around walmart BY HIMSELF.

Please. Enlighten me. If you are someone like this. Tell me what goes through your head. Please. I need to know and try to grasp your reality…… because I genuinely do NOT get it.

So the kids and I turned around and chased him down. I asked him if he lost his mother and he started crying and said he did. So I told him to stick right with me, hold onto my cart and we’ll find his mom. Not even a minute later, two walmart employees started running around, frantically asking everyone if they had seen the child, to which, they all pointed to me. I returned the kid to the employees and walked off shaking my damn head at these clowns. Now, these would be the FIRST people up on Facebook talking about, “Did you hear about the kid abducted from Walmart? Yeah, I was there! Such a shame! Poor guy, hope they find him, safe!”……

Do you really? You people are lousy. So WHAT if people look at me like I may be abducting the child. The kid is like THREE. He’s LOST. He’s running rampant. He’s SCARED.

I’m not going to criticize the mother, either. My kids sometimes like to hide in the clothes racks and thank God they have enough sense to know I will blister their ass right there if they try to run away from me. I don’t play that at ALL. This world is crazy. But some kids are bold. They’ll dip out on you. I don’t know what the situation was with the mother, I didn’t see her. I do know that not a single one of the maybe 20 people in my vicinity wanted to get involved and help this kid out and that is a crying shame.

What’s wrong with people?! Check this out:

 

Is this not the most disturbing shit you’ve ever seen in your life? A man clearly crying for help and people glance at him and walk right past him. I don’t understand how it is possible for a person with a conscience to do this. If I see someone in trouble, I can’t walk away. I am the girl in the bathroom holding your hair while you puke your brains out from partying too hard. I’m the one getting you the water when you have a major coughing fit. I’m not trying to pat myself on the back here, I am genuinely trying to figure out what the deal is with people and why the concept of helping someone in trouble is so hard to grasp. How are you not pulled to action? How can you ignore people?

What if that child were abducted? That’s all I could think about. What if someone took him???? What if he got out the store and got hit by a car? What is going on in the world to make people so apathetic that they can’t care for another human being. Animals act more civil than that.

There are times that I hesitate because I want to make sure someone is truly in need before I go barging in like a lunatic. I’m usually trying to get in and get out and avoid awkward interactions so it’s not like i’m seeking this stuff out. I’m not one of those outgoing people that doesn’t mind putting themselves out there like it’s nothing. I have like social issues sometimes lol. So I understand the fear of looking dumb. But helping someone who truly needs it sort of trumps my social anxiety…. right? shouldn’t it?

I’m writing this to say, if you’re reading this….. reflect inward. Are you one of those people that looks around, hoping someone else would step up? Stop it. You never know when you or your child will be the one needing the help. Don’t wait around for others to take charge. Do the right thing. PLEASE. The kid was three. He could barely put a sentence together, honestly. Seriously like 20 people around….. and it’s not like they didn’t see him, they did. Some were even talking amongst themselves about it. I just don’t know what they were thinking. It’s scary. Hope i’m never in a situation to where I need prompt attention! I’d probably die! Jesus, help these people.