Weird nap dream

First of all, our cat, Rosie, came back. She was a small kitten again. I was really confused, the atmosphere was weird like it is when I dream of ghosts. I walked up to investigate while she was playing with our cat, Dartanian. There was a hole in her skull the size of a gulf ball and her brains were rotted out. It was crazy. So I’m getting really confused. I didn’t know for sure that i was dreaming but I did know for sure that nothing I was experiencing was normal. I had a teacher of some sort that I wasn’t very fond of. He would leave me warning notes on a white board, warning me about everything I did like my life and every single move I made was being inspected. It sort of annoyed me because I knew I could never live up to his standards. Every time I passed him, I tried my best to avoid him. I don’t even know what sort of teacher he was but I knew I was his only student. He walked by me one last time and made eye contact, so I knew to check the white board to see what sort of instructions he left me. He wrote to stay away from Kevin. If I get too close, I will make a huge mistake. So I’m sitting at a picnic table inside of a cafeteria by myself when I saw Kevin walk by. I made eye contact with him so he came and sat at the table with me to talk to me. It was really awkward at first because I was sitting sideways on the bench with my knees up and he sat like right up close to me. He started talking to me about someone and began to whisper and when he did, he leaned in like right up next to my face and at that point I felt like I was literally falling apart, I started smelling his neck and his hair, trying my best not to be noticed and then he looked up at me…… And right before I kissed him I realized why the teacher told me I literally cannot be around him. Obviously Kevin and I were not together in this dream lol. So he is still talking to me but this time he is staring in my eyes and I felt that I could no longer control myself and so I forced myself to wake up.

Ezra abducted from Ross

I was in Ross but it didn’t look like Ross at all, it looked like a big toy store or something. I had all four of the kids with me. While we were shopping, a little girl and boy befriended the kids. Their mother and grandma were with them so it seemed harmless. They walked with the kids while the mom and grandma sort of walked nearby just peering over to make sure the kids stayed with my kids. They left a few minutes before we did. We go outside and that family was parked waaaaaay across the parking lot, all the way in the back. It was dark and very foggy outside. All of the businesses were closing so there were a bunch of cars leaving the parking lot. The little girl poked her head out of the window and started yelling for my kids. Ezra and Vayda literally took off across the parking lot while I held Nova and Judea stuck right by my side. I screamed for them to stop but they were so fast and focused on what they were doing, they didn’t listen. I was panicked, sure someone would hit Ezra. So I screamed at everyone driving and pointed at Ezra as I ran as fast as I could after him while still holding Nova. I finally make it to the car and begin scolding Vayda. I look in the driver window and I think I was calming down and laughing with the mom about how quick kids can be…… as I am thanking her for staying put, I guess Ezra snuck into the backseat of the car and sat between her two children. I looked back there and I said, “Oh my God, i’m so sorry, my son climbed in!” and she rolled her window up while smiling at me and just sort of nodding….. kind of like how you would do someone if you were pretending to hear them but didn’t really hear them….. so she started to put the car in drive and I start knocking on her window telling her to wait, that Ezra was in there….. but as I am knocking I begin realizing that this was intentional and that they were abducting Ezra. So I freaked out and somehow managed to jump on the back of the car before they pulled away. I busted the back windshield and yanked Ezra out, grabbed the other kids by the hand and ran for the car. I was screaming to everyone looking, “She just tried kidnapping my son!!!”…. I got the kids in the car and bucked in, grabbed my cell and stood outside of the car to call 911. I called 911 and gave her the whole story….. after I finished, she told me who this woman is. She said she once kidnapped a girl sitting outside of a store and actually enrolled her in school before it was discovered that she was not really her daughter. They never found the girl’s mother….. but anyways, this woman was a professional at abducting kids and we dodged the bullet. It was pretty intense……

Do epic stuff

I went out to the beach today and built a sandcastle. The thing is, my eyes are on fire and I need to sleep, so i’m not going to blog about that right now because i’m lazy and don’t feel like adding pictures and getting all philosophical about how building a sandcastle is more than just building a sandcastle……

I went down two different trails before I finally got to one that took me to the right place…. so while I was walking down the wrong trails, I was hoping to think of some profound shit but for some reason I kept finding myself in a really goofy mood. I think it’s because the trails at the beach are lined with webs and banana spiders (that’s what they are, right??)…. And usually, spiders don’t bother me, even these massive bastards….. because they’re really chill. But I walked underneath the original don dada. His web was like 10x’s bigger than all of the others…… and he was HANGING from the web….. it looked like his back legs were hanging onto the web while everything else was dangling…. to give you a good comparison, you know how in the movies some dudes will be creeping like down a hallway looking for someone, then like a ninja just swings down from the ceiling, snaps a neck or two, then lures himself back up? That’s sort of what this spider had going on…. I felt threatened, like he was plotting….. so I ran, I mean, it caught me off guard, I didn’t know what to think at that point….. so I just started running….

By myself.

Down the trail.


Laughing but being totally serious at the same time……

And I started feeling really goofy lol. This sparked a chain of crazy thoughts…… things I want to do someday…. a bucket of shit….. that’s a bucket list filled with bullshit….. stuff that doesn’t exactly matter but it would be pretty dope if I did it anyways….. As usual, no particular order because i’m indecisive and have a hard time ranking things by priority or order of importance lol. 

  1. Go to a kids playground on a busy day….. like when I know there will be a ton of kids and moms and stuff…. but don’t bring the kids. Just me. I go to the playground and play on the equipment. The thing is, I can’t laugh or give any sort of hint that i’m intentionally being silly. I have to be for real….. maybe get a really determined look on my face as I go across the monkey bars….. race a kid to the last available swing, take it and stick my tongue out….. but like, for real.
  2. Not just a playground, but the splash park, as well….. i’d go to the splash park with no kids and have a blast. I’d sit under the bucket and wait for it to dump water on my head and then i’d get up and run off laughing like a toddler.
  3. I want to go to a thrift store and buy the oldest looking prom dress I can find. I then want to find a tiara….. some gloves, too…. and I want to walk around the mall and try to convince everyone in the kiosks that i’m royalty. I don’t care about the mall-goers, my focus is the people in the kiosks. They make shit awkward for me at the mall. Seriously. I don’t like telling people NO. And so i’m getting a hand massage from an arabic chick when all I wanted was to buy a pair of decent skinny jeans. I’m conned into buying two eyeshadow pigments for $35. I’m almost convinced to sign another contract with a different cell phone carrier. These people always make my trips to the mall as difficult as possible. I would like to return the gesture. I want to dress up like the Queen of freaking England circa 1972 and I want to annoy the living shit out of the kiosk people……for their entire shift…… 
  4. I’ve always wanted to put a full sized recliner out on a busy sidewalk somewhere with a end table and a lamp next to it…. like at the corner of Blanding and 103rd or something. I don’t want to do anything super obnoxious, I think the recliner set up would suffice. No, I won’t be pretending to watch TV or anything, i’d seriously just sit there like i’m in my living room. I’d just watch the cars go by. That’s all.
  5. I want to go to a busy food court, sit at a table that’s already basically full….. like pull a chair up and sit in with a family…. like grandma and grandpa in from New Hampshire, Uncle Ted and his new girlfriend Betty, mom and dad, the kids, all of them. I want to sit at their table…..without any food….. and just sit there. I don’t want to join in their conversation or anything, no awkward staring. I just want to sit at the table with them. I know it would confuse them. How confusing would that be?!?!?! Because it’s one of those situations where they can’t really tell me to leave because i’m pretty much free to sit wherever I want. They could move, but that would make it even funnier because then they would have to round everyone up and whisper under their breath about how weird I am.
  6. I don’t know how to do yoga. Nevertheless, I want to go up to Memorial Park, right in the middle of the hipsters and their frisbees and dogs and authentic vintage picnic baskets…. and I want to do yoga…… it seems legit but like I said, I don’t know how to do all of those yoga poses. So i’d like to be for real and try to do some sketchy maneuvers while keeping a totally straight face. It’d be cool if I had a speaker and could play some meditative type music. 
  7. When my friends and I were teenagers, we went door to door asking people for a sandwich. Of the several houses we hit up, one lady actually invited us in and made us some BOMB sandwiches. It was awesome. We were joking, we thought it would be funny….. but we were also hungry and serious….. we used to do the DUMBEST stuff I mean we were TOTAL clowns. I’d like to take it back to the old school. I want to go door to door and ask people if I can borrow something REALLY unnecessary….. like ask someone if they have an extra bobby pin and like be holding my bangs. I could tell them I have a job interview and they made it clear that I can’t have hair in my face, hair HAS to be pinned up….. or I could ask to borrow some home decor. I’d tell them that i’ve got family coming in from out of town and i’m trying to decorate but I don’t get paid until xyz….. just a centerpiece for the kitchen table, a mirror for the hall and maybe an abel statue for the mantel. Nothing major. Totally random. I’d smile but it wouldn’t be a practical joke sort of smile, it would be that, “GEEZ, this is really embarrassing but i’m desperate!” sort of smile…..
  8. I want to sit outside of the police station with a canvas and easel and paint the outside of the police station. I’m not much of a painter so it would look super amateur…. but I would do some elaborate gestures and movements as if I REALLY knew what I was doing…. then when people asked me about it, i’d make up a word and say it’s a new technique or a new form of art…… and i’d tell them i’m selling pictures on Ebay for half a mil….. then if I felt like it I could make up a story about escaping a human trafficking ring in Venezuela…..  but it wasn’t typical human trafficking, these people made us work in a pastry factory…… then I could name drop a few big pastry companies and inform them of the lawsuit i’ve got going on….. if I felt like it, of course…..
  9. Public transportation….. sit awkwardly close to someone and just stare at them…. not in a “i’m obviously trying to be funny” sort of way…. but more of a “no expression, slowly turn head while still sorta maintaining a visual” sort of way….
  10. Tell EVERYONE i’m married. Everyone. Guy ringing up my groceries? I’m sorry, i’m married. Lady standing next to me? Oh wow, i’m flattered, but i’m married. Family in minivan at the red light? It’s funny you mention that, because i’m actually married. Would I like any condiments? I’d love some condiments, but unfortunately, i’m married. Support your football time? Eek. This is so awkward. You see kids, i’m married…. 
  11. One. Woman. Flashmob.
  12. Enter a competition that i’ve got no business entering. Like a skateboarding competition and I don’t know how to skate. Then when I lose, I could rant about the establishment and how it’s all politics…..corporate sellouts, that sorta thing.
  13. Go into any random building downtown and ask for a job application….. like the Wells Fargo Center (Modis) and just ask security for an application…… ANY application……. to work ANYWHERE. Or I could just stop someone in a suit downtown and ask if their job is hiring hahahahahaha. “Ma’am, you look REALLY professional….. and i’ve always wanted to be a successful business woman (Romy and Michele)…… is your job hiring, by any chance?”
  14. Convince everyone in walmart that I am a mystery shopper. 
  15. Walk down a busy street while carrying an unlikely object…. like a fan…. or a stack of plates…… a fake plant…. a bottle of 409….. is anyone picking up what i’m throwing down? This is brilliant.
  16. Attach a laundry hamper to a dollie, attach a rope, and pull my kids in it down a busy street. 
  17. Take a magnifying glass, a clipboard with paper and a pen….. go into a business like Hobby Lobby or Best Buy or something, and start closely inspecting random things and writing notes…. like inspect the line dividers (what in the heck are they called? LOL) or the edge of a shelf….. and talk into my shirt whenever employees look at me.
  18. Insist that I know someone that I absolutely don’t know. “Maria?! Is that YOU?”…..”No, sorry.”……. “Oh, COME ON! You remember me? We stole those garden gnomes and set them on fire outside of Mrs. Baker’s house!”….. “No, really, you have the wrong person.”……. “Man, those were some good times!” and literally just disregard anything they say and continue to talk to them like I know them.
  19. Ask people if they would like to see a magic trick. Kevin could film it to make it look legit, we could pretend i’ve got a reality show coming out. And I could do something that makes no sense and convince people they don’t know what they’re talking about when they say they don’t get it. For instance. I could pour baby oil on my hand, sprinkle salt on it, ask to borrow a quarter, put the quarter in my hand and rub it with my other hand…. open up and the quarter is still there then look them directly in their eyes like they’re supposed to be impressed. “I don’t get it”…… “Are you KIDDING ME? LOOK!”….. still a quarter in my oily, salty hand…… and just keep acting like they’re morons that don’t understand how magic works.
  20. Walk down the street eating a plate of food…. literally on a glass plate with actual silverware. I’m going to bed.


The Way You Look Tonight

Swing Time!

This was the cutest ever:


But I am totally all about Frank Sinatra and, imo, his version blows all others away =)


I’ve been on a Sinatra kick today. I listen to him whenever I get angry because he instantly turns my mood around lol. Charming, for sure. 

Church Family

Ok so i’m just going to re-write this here and hopefully I don’t come off as being too abrasive. It’s just something that really bothers me…… so I tend to be a little overbearing when I speak about it lol.

When I see a church that doesn’t have a nurturing, loving environment in which most of the members feel connected on a personal level and are committed to the same cause: reaching a lost world, not only in words but in actions and not only in actions, but in spirit……. I think of it as being a total waste of space. That sounds harsh. It’s seriously like people like to “play church”. They want to do the big things….. the large scale things….. all of the fun stuff….. and even when it’s not-so-fun, they want to think big and if it’s not BIG big, it’s not *that big of a deal*….. 

The Butterfly Effect. You have NO idea how big a small thing can be. A small thing can turn out to be bigger than anything you’ve ever done in your life….. Christians need to really think outside of the box. ONE person. ONE insignificant person….. that’s all it takes to cause a ripple that changes EVERYTHING. Try and soak that up. You don’t see the plans God has for you or the people around you and so it’s very hard for you to focus on the fact that one conversation from you, one kind word, one good deed, could spark a fire in someone that can not be put out, can not be contained, and they go on to do something incredible all because you took the time to care about someone other than yourself. You should be noticing people. You should be noticing things. You should be seeing beyond what’s in front of your face. See beyond the obvious. You cannot see the Holy Spirit….. but the Holy Spirit is the most powerful force in this universe….. You cannot see evil….. only evidence of evil. You cannot see good, only evidence of good. The most powerful forces in this world are ones which are not visible. So much rides on your awareness of that. I’m sorry but the way my mind works, i’m always calculating, always weighing things out, looking for hidden meaning and potential outcomes which could be ENDLESS. If I give this man $5…… something so small….. who knows what could happen. You see, most people will look at that man on the corner holding that sign as a drunk.,,,, someone who is a leech to societies resources….. or maybe someone doesn’t feel like slowing down, maybe they think their dollar won’t make a difference in his life….. but I am always aware that WAY more is happening that what is in front of my face….. what if his friend just died….. what if he was out there for hours in the hot sun, hoping someone would help…. just do something, anything….. and maybe he asked God for a sign. “God, if i’m supposed to be here, if my life is one with a purpose, please just show me a sign, let that lady right there give me a $5 bill”…….. you can laugh at that all you want but I take that very seriously. My shit doesn’t have to be seen by the world for me to believe it could change the world. I do what I do because I believe. I have faith. I know how God works, i’ve seen it firsthand. The prayer that I say for a stranger walking down the street could be the spark that ignites a movement that ripples around the world. I think big. I think big in small ways. 

I also know how real the enemy is. I know that even in my best moments, the enemy is plotting….. I’ve caught on to many tactics that are used against me but I also know there are a billion other ways to be tempted and so i’m on guard. Not totally paranoid, just cautious and aware. I know bad things usually come packaged up in something pretty…… and something pretty could come out of a shoebox wrapped in newspaper. Not everything is what it seems……

I think the early church was more aware of this and I think it is a testament to one’s faith. How strong is your faith if you don’t even realize that how you are interacting with the people around you can’t TOTALLY change the world? What little faith you have……. someone needs to light a fire under your ass to get you moving….. not just talking….. but moving, making it a priority, seeking these opportunities in everything you do. You can’t do it when you are so focused on yourself and your image and whether or not you look stupid. You’re going to have to swallow that pride. People need to see you look stupid, sometimes. You literally cannot connect with half of a person….. you’ve got to connect with all of them. To connect with someone means to open up and let them in….. expose your weaknesses, become vulnerable, take risks, make mistakes…… you can’t be emotionally distant and expect a relationship to flourish. If you really want to connect with people as you do your family, you need to treat people as your family. There isn’t anything weird about that, it’s weird to shell up and act like a freaking hermit. Shutting yourself off from the world is not what got society to where it is today. We got here because people came together. Life isn’t scripted. It’s not always pretty, it doesn’t always present itself very neatly. Life can get chaotic and brutal. 

I often use the Truman Show as an example for SO many different concepts. That movie was brilliant and if you haven’t seen it, I am BEGGING you to watch it. He knew something was up. He couldn’t connect with the people around him because something inside of him told him it wasn’t real. He knew deep down inside that something wasn’t right. It was too perfect. Unnatural. Scripted. He had that burning desire to abandon everything and just go to Fiji, having NO clue what awaited him in Fiji……. but he wanted it….. Fiji was just a concrete place that represented an abstract thought….. a desire, a longing for something REAL. I’m not saying it’s easy. It’s doesn’t always come naturally. We naturally want to clam up because we want to present ourselves in the best possible light….. and so the less we do, the less opportunity to make a mistake and risk looking stupid. You need to fight that urge with everything in you. Fight it because it’s not going to change things…….

Look people in the eye and bring them out of their shell….. break the walls they built. Compare it to your relationship. Think about when you first met your husband or wife….. it was great. Fun times….. everything was awesome….. now think about the first time you saw them cry….. the first time you shared in their pain….. the first time you saw them fly off the handle and lose their cool…. think about when you began to notice the little things…. how they snore this obnoxiously loud snore….. or how they slurp their coffee…… bad habits like leaving all the lights on in the house…. think about the times you’ve watched them when they didn’t know they were being watched…. maybe you caught them dancing in the kitchen….. or getting frustrated with a video game….. You don’t just fall in love with the great times, you fall in love with all of it, even the seemingly insignificant moments…. and I assure you when they are gone, those will be the moments you return to….. the feeling of their breath on your cheek….. the kiss goodbye in the morning…. caressing your arm, buttoning your shirt for you, even chugging down their coffee lol. Those things matter. That is how we connect. We sure do fight with our siblings but we are connected by a cord that is hard to break…… all of the ups and downs we’ve faced with them form each fiber in that cord….. the more, the better. 

That’s how you connect. You connect when you first tear down your OWN walls and allow people to see you for who you TRULY are inside….. you do not hide it…. you expose it all. Then, people feel more comfortable sharing their own flaws….. it connects them to you because they feel safe with you, they know you aren’t secretly judging them or wishing them ill will….. 

Additionally. If you only knew what was lurking around the corner….. if you only knew how the adversary were plotting on you….. you would understand how necessary it is to strengthen your army….. at this present moment, you may not see the need. You may be doing just fine…. but you definitely don’t want to be caught sleeping. This IS a war. This IS a battle….. soldiers don’t go out in the field and pick flowers…. they don’t get in squabbles and form little cliques and team up on each other. They don’t concern themselves with stupid things. They do what they have to do to carry out the mission and make it home alive. On earth, we have a mission to carry out. The visible isn’t the threat. It’s what we can’t see that we need to worry about. Think about it this way….. what would terrify you more….. a man in a van following you around…… or discovering that you were being stalked by someone you couldn’t even see…. someone who was hiding in the bushes, lurking in alleys, watching you from a distance…… you can keep your eyes on the man in the van…. you see his turns and can anticipate his next move. You can not anticipate the next move if you can’t even see your stalker. This is happening 24/7. I am not skilled in everything. I need to surround myself with people who can help me and in turn, I could help them….. We are all on the same team, working towards the same common goal, why aren’t we acting like it???? Why do we act so weird around each other, all stand offish and what not? Like why are you so awkward?? This isn’t a game but #youbeplaying. 

I feel like I have great things to contribute to those around me. I feel like I could contribute my skills to the church for the benefit of SO many people….. not to benefit myself, seriously, what would I get out of it? I genuinely want to help other people…. I feel like I was CALLED to do this. I have FAITH. I trust that God made me this way for a real reason. I am definitely utilizing it for the benefit of others, i’d like to somehow help the church, I want to serve based on my talents that God blessed me with. Unfortunately, i’ve seen no opportunities to do that. I am working on a smaller scale, trying to get to know the members but…. it’s like…. I took a new members class and a class that supposedly showed me where my area of service should be…. for what? LOL! I’m just asked to volunteer with the children….. they choose for me. They say, “Hey, we have this need, fill it”…… No, how about you stick to your class and really train people and motivate them to do what they feel called to do???? How are you going to preach about faith and listening to God, then dictate where people should and shouldn’t serve? I’m just not seeing very much evidence of faith…… Faith isn’t just believing in God, believing Jesus died on the cross, etc…. Satan believes that…… Faith is believing in God’s purpose for your life and following what HE wants you to do, being who HE has called you to be….. it’s so easy to say, “I’ve been called to be a preacher”….. and everyone just congratulates you and believes, yeah, God must have called you! But that’s where it ends. If God didn’t call you to do something VERY obvious, then it’s not that big of a deal….. I can only imagine the challenges that preachers and their families face….. I understand people and so I can somewhat speculate…… but I just don’t know firsthand, ya know. But I DO know that it is easy for a preacher to spread the gospel because that is what he is expected to do…… that’s what he does for a living…. it’s not so easy for an accountant to look at his office as his mission field….. THAT is why people need to be empowered by each other, that is why we need to strengthen and encourage each other….. people need serious training…. unless you just want to live a very basic, mediocre life….. but I don’t believe God called any of us to live a basic, mediocre life. I believe we all were called to do big things…… 

Your greatest mission could boil down to one conversation……. strengthen one person…… and it could change everything…..

People talk about it….. but still hold onto that pride that prevents them from fully demonstrating what they say they want. You can’t say you want to build relationships with people around you yet not demonstrate the vulnerability and humble attitude it takes to carry that out….. I get it, i’ve done it tons of times….. where I have very valuable information that I could share but I withhold it because I don’t want to look too xyz….. too know-it-all, too talkative, too bossy, etc….. connections are formed when you silence those voices in your head and do what’s right, REGARDLESS of how you appear to those around you. And you don’t apologize for it. You just do you and that’s that.

I don’t think I will regret what I do…… because we’re all human, we all make mistakes….. sometimes those mistakes were a necessary step in our own growth in order to reach our full potential. I will regret the things I DIDN’T do. The things I SHOULD have done…. when I should have said hello to her….. I should have gave that dollar…… I should have encouraged him….. I should have helped…… I should have been a friend…. I should have told her…. I should have…… but didn’t…. More often than not, I get along with people…. I am a pretty well-rounded, tolerant person….. but there are those challenging people that I just want to forget about. They aren’t easy to deal with. Talking to them is difficult…. things will never change if we only do what’s easy. Things will never get better if we only deal with those who don’t need dealing with. Ya know? It’s the Bystander Effect. We’ll let someone else take care of that. Someone else will handle it. Great things happen, great changes are made because ONE person decides they aren’t going to pass the buck. They’re not going to wait for someone else to do it. They see a need and they do what it takes to meet that need. 

People crave novel experiences. We crave something unexpected. Those unexpected moments are the most memorable, they are the moments that stick with us and have the biggest impact. Say something unlikely. Do something unexpected to jar people and wake them up out of their perpetual state of apathy and complacency. One unlikely person. One unlikely conversation. Who cares if you look stupid. That ONE kid….. could have SO much potential…. he’s just waiting for someone who believes in him to unleash it. This is what we do TOGETHER. All this talk about, “I don’t need nobody” is total bull. We are a species that DEPENDS on each other. You learned this in human growth and development…. a baby that isn’t nurtured, isn’t held, isn’t loved on and talked to…… will not develop properly….. kids can’t fully utilize their brain like adults do and so they need us to make important decisions for them and care for them….. even teenagers don’t have what it takes to fully function in society. We NEED other people. People who have meaningful friendships live longer. We need people….. in non superficial ways. We need people on a much deeper level than occasional hello’s. You need to break away from your circle and reach people that you’re not familiar with….. and one time doesn’t count….. it needs to be consistent. You need to consistently follow up with these people. You can’t just assign someone to make the rounds and call them and visit because then it looks obligatory and just part of the routine. People need to feel like they are cared for, like they matter. Give them a task that you feel they could do, something they are good at. If they like drawing, ask them to draw some artwork to hang in different areas of the church. If they sing, ask them to sing instead of putting the usual people in rotation. If they write, give them an opportunity to write something. Form an army….. a group of people with assigned jobs to carry out. Let them know they matter and that they are useful to the cause. Don’t just preach at them. Invest in them. Help them to develop their talents in ways that will glorify God. Care for them. God it’s just simple things…. how many elderly people do you have in your church that could use a helping hand? Maybe they need their car cleaned out, something SUPER basic that people don’t even think of. How many women in the church can help the new wives learn domestic skills? What about the men? How many men are there that could use some functional knowledge on car mechanics? These are simple opportunities to use something you are good at to build a rapport with someone else, an opportunity to bond with each other…… 

In short, (or long lol) people just want to feel like they matter. I was just talking to Kevin about this yesterday in regards to his job. It seems he is always bringing up a new name i’ve not heard of and i’m like geez why do you guys go through so many employees? I haven’t even been there but I can assume it probably has something to do with the employees not really feeling needed. It’s easier to walk away from something when you feel you don’t matter. In a relationship, it’s easy to leave the person if you feel like you’re not important to them and so they wouldn’t care anyways….. at a job, if you are treated like you are expendable you’re going to act like you are expendable….. this affirmation could be made right there in the interview upon being hired…. it’s so simple….. “Bill, i’m very glad to add you to our team. I feel like you’ve got very useful skills to contribute to the company. I expect to see great things from you! I’m eager for you to start!” When there is a problem, go to Bill! “Hey Bill, I heard you are the MAN when it comes to xyz. Think you could help me with this problem?”…… and when Bill comes through, everyone congratulates him. “Bill saved the company a lot of money the other day, let’s all give Bill a round of applause”. There is a good chance that Bill won’t be a no-show….. because Bill feels useful. This can be applied to church. If a person like they have no ties to the church, they are more likely to not return. I’ve been there! I’m more likely to stay if I feel like i’ve got people there that actually care whether or not i’m there. Ya know? Like, i’ve taken on my Dad’s role of being the “spiritual leader” for the family. I’m the motivator. I’m the one that motivates everyone to get to church….. to pray and read the Bible, etc…. but i’m also not perfect. There are times I just don’t feel like it. Who is there to motivate me? That’s all i’m saying. If I stopped attending church, most likely my family would, also. How many people are there like this in the church? Where the burden lies with them yet they’ve got no ties, no connection to anyone that can encourage them? Satan targets these people. If he takes them out, he is essentially taking everyone in their family down with them. Some days i’m like, “Satan….. you are very clever……” because it just amazes me the ways in which I am attacked…. if we know this, if we know how this works….. if we know how satan attacks….. why are we so casual about it? Why are we so lax in supporting our brothers and sisters? If you are as faithful as you claim to be, it will be noticeable in the way you treat and care for others….. because you BELIEVE what God says…. and you BELIEVE it matters…..

*sigh*…….I could write a book.

Mortar Attack Dream


First of all, I have a confession. I know it’s probably going to piss some people off but it is what it is. I don’t watch the news. PERIOD. If something is bad enough, i’m sure i’ll hear about it via Facebook or word of mouth. I just obsessed over the news, had it blaring in the background 24/7, just waiting for the next awful story. I sat around and listened to these ducks manipulating true news and spinning it into a sideshow. I decided I would stay away from the fringe media. So, i’m not quite up-to-par on current events. I’d rather be out of the loop than to compromise my own sanity. And if you’re huffing and puffing about how irresponsible I am as an American citizen, exactly what do you do with the information you’re presented? Hmm? What do you do to change things? Plaster it allover every social media outlet you have in the name of “raising awareness”. LOL. Yeah, how’s that working for ya? Trust me. Believe me. If ever there were a time I had to fight, i’d fight. It wouldn’t be empty words, I wouldn’t be spreading gossip. I’d be throwing down. So spare me the whole, “You owe it to society” crap. You owe it to society to not be an opinionated douchebag that knows everything yet does nothing. #pwned. 

(not directed towards anyone in particular so if you find yourself mad, well, ya know)

So anyways, I know about the ISIS situation going on and it’s pretty horrific….. but i’ve not been glued to the tv or anything so I don’t know what prompted this dream…..

A fight broke out overseas between some Americans and some Iraqis. I could barely focus on what was going on because there was a LOT of confusion and I was not a part of it, simply trying to observe from the “outside”. Like watching a movie. Apparently, it was sparked because some Americans had deeply insulted Islam…… idk how, I can only speculate that maybe it had something to do with something that was publicized and it was very insulting….. so anyways, the fight broke out over there and I believe in the process some Muslim women were killed. I just remember a woman dressed in black making eye contact with me right before she fell….. I just don’t know what happened.

So the dream skipped and I was back in America. I was in a crowded place, some sort of music festival. This song was playing LOL:

(as a side note, as much as I love the Goo Goo Dolls, I don’t think i’d ever attend one of their shows now lol)

We were all having fun but out of NOWHERE, people started literally falling over each other trying to get out of the park….. and I looked up and saw a shell zipping over their heads and crashing by a garbage can….. and body parts were basically flying. I don’t even know who I was with, I don’t remember Kevin or the kids being there, I just remember running….. and several more were launched. It was something straight out of the movies, i’m telling you, it was intense. I’m just running and seeing people dropping everywhere. And basically, that was the start of the war on American soil. Militants had already been here training for a very long time, preparing for this very moment…. people we work with, people we love and care about turning on all of us. 

It was the craziest shit i’ve ever seen in my life.

My family went into hiding….. a lot happened after that, I just don’t remember. How crazy is that?